Tina Fox’s son Beckett is now an 11th grader. Soon, he will enter a new stage in his life: college. In this special mother-and-son mentorship session, they talk about their recent experiences with college tours and evaluating potential ones to enroll in. Beckett also delves into his biggest expectations, insights, fears, and dreams as he prepares to turn 18. From the mind of a Gen Z, discover why social media challenges the idea of authentic relationships, how to find growth in your mistakes, and how to get the right mentorship by connecting with the people around you – even those from a different generation.

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Mother And Son Mentorship Session

Everyone, welcome to the show. This is a special edition because we have one of my sons, Beckett, who is here with me to talk a little bit about our recent experience in college tours throughout the United States. Beckett is an 11th grader. We are just going to have a chit chat today because it is time to get into the minds of Gen Z and what we are going to be looking at when we consider colleges.

Also, some of the things about the future and just not knowing because I know that when I was looking for a university, I did not know what the next chapter of my life had to bring, but I was excited to find out. I am wondering if the excitement still stands or if it is something else that students are feeling as they venture into their next selves, the next chapter of their lives. Welcome, Beckett, to the show.

Thank you for having me on your show. It is very exciting to be here, and I am excited to share my insights and how it feels and all the emotions that I am going through.

This is just you and me chit-chatting.

Yes, ma’am.

Visiting Different College Campuses

We have gone to many different universities. When you were younger, and you were doing camps for ice hockey or just in general, you got a chance to see different college campuses. That was like your first real taste of this is what a college campus looks like. Being that I really enjoy my alma mater and I was very involved, I had you come down to football games. I had you come down to just hang out pretty much all the time. We did look around. We did campus tours. What were your early memories of what you thought about college before we started doing our official tours?

My earliest memories, I would say, definitely have to be JMU, the first one, because it is just that you always brought me there whenever I was little, and it reminds me of it as a nostalgic place. I like just the architecture. I like the nature around it. Yes, I got to experience that.

What is your favorite part of JMU? You have seen both sides of the campus. One side of the campus did not even exist.

I like the botanical garden in the springtime. We have gone a lot, like in all sorts of different weather. Springtime, it is really beautiful, and it is really nice to be out there and by the little pond with the ducks.

That is one of my favorites. It is called the Edith Carrier Arboretum.  That was named after the president that I went to school under, Ronald E. Carrier, and his wife. Yes, that arboretum is fantastic. It is now a place for weddings, and they do outdoor yoga. They do all sorts of cool stuff.

The little honors college building is also a pretty cool little old president’s house. The one right in the center of campus. The food court, right?

Yes. That is exactly right. We call that D-hall. You picked two that I would not have picked. Most people say the quad or something like that, but those are two actually very special places on campus.

They hold memories.

We did the tour of the university that you are used to, just walking around as a kid, and you met the mascot, Duke, and all that stuff. When you did the tour, was that much different for you? Was it like, “This is unique, this is interesting”?

I would say the JMU tours, when I was a lot younger, I feel like I might not have grasped a whole lot because I was not really preparing for college or anything like that. I was not really in the mindset of asking the correct questions, looking for the right information. I would say it was very insightful. It is always good to go on a college tour, especially if you are looking at that college, because you get all the information, and you also get the personal aspect and the outlook of your tour guide, if they are willing to share.

Do you remember anything about the tour?

Not the one at JMU. There are way too many memories at JMU to recall that one, the details of the tour.

JMU is something that you are very familiar with, but you became a junior in high school, and we were like, “This is getting real,” and you have got to make some decisions. Talk about that process because it was not like, “We’re going to college.” It was, “These are your options.” What do you remember us talking about as far as your options post high school?

I got a lot of options to choose from. You were just trying to support me in whichever path I wanted to take, or I desired. At that time, I do not think I really knew when you were putting all the options out on the table. It scared me to make a decision. I feel like when I am given such a big choice, especially with that, and it is going to be a big change in my life, in your life, everybody, it just gets stressful for me. I do not know if I deal with it correctly or incorrectly, but I feel like it just becomes a very stressful topic that I am trying to just make one choice.

I think about the Cheesecake Factory, that menu. There are so many options.

It is like, “Which one do I choose?” I could go this way. I could go that way. There are pros and cons to all of them. It is just whatever.

What were some of the options we discussed that were not at the top of your list for doing post-high school?

I would not say like, I feel like any path you go, as long as you love it and you try to love it, and you are willing to experience a new day and take every day as a new day, I feel like you really cannot go wrong with the choices you make as long as you see growth. I try not to look at one of those options and be like, “Yes, that one I would end up in a dumpster.” I do not want to picture myself like that. I feel like they could turn out however you make them.

You are somebody who I have always found to appreciate something in everything. When we were talking, you could just go to work. You do not have to continue your education if sitting in the classroom or studying in that way is not exciting for you, but if you really like working and you like earning an income, you could go to work. You work part-time now, because you are able to drive and you enjoy earning an income.

I would say a little more than part-time.

He does work a lot. In working, you thought, “You know how hard you work. You know how hard those hours are for the dollars that you receive. You know that perhaps if you took another step, you could earn your way into something that would make that same time earn higher dollars. The work option, although you appreciate it and you are doing it, was not necessarily the highest option for post-high school immediately.

It is also for me, I feel like doing, picking one of the options other than college would speed up my life in a sense. It just makes me feel that way. I feel like I would not be getting the same time to have that growth while still being under the care and the watch of not the care but the watch of you guys. You guys are just taking a step back, and you guys watch me at college, and I still feel like that’s a very good safety net to have. Doing one of those other things, I feel like I would not have that netting as much. It would be a lot of me making mistakes at work, trying to go to work, and trying to find a career to pick. I feel like I would make a lot of mistakes, a lot more than if I went to college and then tried to do it.

Facing Adulthood And Unlocking Growth Through Failure

That is interesting. Let us talk about that for a second. Let us peel that one back. What I heard you say is, “Yes, I am getting ready to be an adult.” This year, you are turning eighteen. Do you feel like, “I am ready for all the things that adulthood brings me”?

Not at all.

I hear that.

I want to be an adult, but it is very scary because I do not feel like I look like an adult. I do not look like that. I do not look like people. I do not have any facial hair, anything like that.

You got one. I think you have one.

One little chin hair. Almost eighteen. It counts.

You are going to be so happy about the youthful looks later on. I see what you’re saying. Other than the looks, what else are you like? By the law, I am going to be an adult this year, but the reality of the world is what?

Honestly, it feels like I have not made enough mistakes. I feel like there is so much, but not like huge ones. I am not saying I want to make mistakes, but I just know in life that there are going to be mistakes, and I take the mistakes, and I try to grow from them. With the mistakes comes growth, and that’s how I try to look at it. I just feel like I have not done enough. Yes, in my heart, like there’s still more I need to know and I need to figure out.

Do you feel like you have room to make mistakes?

Yes, a hundred percent. That is why I feel like college really still gives me a lot of room to make mistakes. Here I can make a lot of mistakes, and still nothing bad happens. In college, you make a couple of mistakes. Let us say you cheat on an assignment or something, and you get caught. That is a mistake, and you are getting kicked out of college. That is a lot bigger. Let us hope you do not do that. I am just giving an example of how it can grow. When you go off to college, when you go off, but I feel like in the real world, it is like you get fired from your job, have no source of income.

Is it more at greater risk when you are out being independent?

Yes.

You have room to make mistakes. Do you feel like if you make a mistake, it is okay? Do you feel like if or when you make a mistake, it is something that is really devastating? How do you feel when you make a mistake today?

It depends on how big a mistake and the setting, I would say.

Have you been able to bounce back?

Yes, always.

You do not feel as if you make a mistake, let us say around your friends or in class with your teacher, you do not feel like everybody is looking at you, going, “Ha ha.” There is a tremendous amount of ridicule or shame that there is.

At the moment, I feel like you can feel a lot of emotions like that because some people, yes, some people get angry, some people get embarrassed, some people get scared, whatever it may be. I feel like in the moment, that’s very normal to feel, and that’s just your immediate body’s reaction to feel that way. It is whether or not you can be like, “Who is really going to care?” They are all laughing at me for having toilet paper hanging out of my pants when walking back into class. Maybe they might remember it for the rest of the year. In twenty years, nobody is going to talk about that. If they do, they are going to laugh at it.

That is a healthy perspective. You are going to be eighteen, but you do not feel like you have had enough time to make the mistakes that you probably are going to make in an environment where you still have the level of support.

Yes, I can remove it, like I can take away the mistake and just make it. I feel like I have more growth that needs to happen because it is not all about mistakes, but I feel like the most growth happens when you make a mistake, and you reflect on it. I feel like I just need to do it.

What is a big mistake that you think you have made that you are like, “I learned a lot from that one”?

Lying to the people I love and to the people who care about me.

What did you learn from that?

I learned that, like my actions, even if I do not feel like they have an effect on anybody else, they might not physically have an effect on you, but mentally they do. That mental attack or whatever you want to call it just severs the relationship even more and more and just makes it grow apart, but it is not impossible to grow it back. I feel like for some people, you just have to be smart. You do not know how much time you have with them, so always make sure that you are truthful and 100% with them.

Pursuing A Higher Education

That is a good one. Everybody has told a little white lie here, maybe even bigger. Yes, the trust erosion is big, and it is not impossible to repair, but it does take time. It does take time. We have got this road where we are going to pursue a higher education, we are going to make mistakes, we are not going to necessarily welcome them, but we are going to welcome how we react to them and how we learn from them.

Now we are moving on to looking at colleges for real. By the way, we did talk about the military as an option. You come from a military family. Your great-grandfather was in the Navy, your grandfather was in the Army, and your uncle was in the Army. You have got a cousin who is currently at West Point, and she is a badass, if I can say that out loud.

Big army family.

Big army and then a little Navy. You had that as a potential option. I’m very proud of those roots, but that is not something that we are going to pursue at present.

I do not like the strictness of the program. Which I have nothing against it, but I just do not think that is for me.

You are a little bit faster and looser. Now we are going to consider a four-year institution, and I see you wearing Unironically.

I put it on for school today, and then I noticed.

This is CU Boulder. They are the Buffs, the Buffaloes, and they are out in Colorado. That was one area that we decided to tour. Why don’t you tell us what you think are some of the big points you were looking for when it came to not only your next level of education, but the things around that education? Why did we go to Colorado?

For me, I was looking for a place where I felt at home, and somewhere I also saw myself hopefully living because I know that wherever you go to college, that’s where your network is going to be.

He does listen.

I just loved Colorado, and I was looking for if you needed to take that mental break away from everything and just get away from school, get away from whatever, and just go out into nature and go hiking, go biking, do whatever you want. I like doing everything. I can do whatever, and I have fun doing it, but I was looking for somewhere that would really support me in that. I feel like Colorado was just like the most amazing place for that.

You are my outdoors kid, and it is interesting, when I was looking for colleges, it had nothing to do with what surrounds the campus. It was really first, what could I get into?

I know nowadays with so much technology, the world is going to be looking like how movies show it in a hundred years. There is going to be barely any trees, barely any clean water.

You worry about that. You worry about the environment. You and your younger brother both worry about the environment. You think that we are destroying it?

100%. I know we are, just the facts indicate it. Everything that I learned in AP Environmental. Some people try to save, and they do what they can, but the amount of damage we are causing the earth is irreversible, and with the number of people we have on the earth. I am not saying I am thinking of any crazy measures, but I just want to be able to try to preserve what we have left and experience what we have left.

You mentioned that you might be interested in entrepreneurship. Is the environment something that you have some ideas around already, or is that something you’re leaning into, or you’re not sure yet?

I am not sure yet. But when I saw that CU was the number one lead school for entrepreneurship, I thought that was awesome. I was just like, that would be really cool if I could create something that could better the earth, because I feel like the legacy I want to leave on this earth is just to do something great to better it, not just have a voice and be heard. I would rather stay in the background and create something to help everybody else.

You do not need to be seen.

I would rather not be seen.

In a generation, I will say that I grew up where everybody is showing something about themselves online on social media. That is a more protected space for you.

I also think social media is such a skewed aspect. People are showing you what they want to show you. They are not showing you. I feel like even I, it is so easy to get caught up in social media and just overthink things, and just get in my own head when I see other people. You have to think that is exactly what they want you to see, nothing else. You are not seeing any of the bad, any of the okay, you are seeing only the perfect, the good.

Social Media: Does It Help Or Hurt People?

I am going to leave the colleges for a second because what you just said was really interesting to me about what people show online is perfect. Talking to generations that did not grow up with social media, how does that help or hurt? How do you get to know somebody?

I honestly do not think it helps at all. Some people might think it helps, but when it truly comes down to it, I bet you people before phones and social media were created, making a lot closer relationships and closer connections than they could ever make through the phone or through a video game or through anything like that. Even if you might say, it helps me get connected with people around the world, get connected with the person right next to you, the person that lives next door to you, knock on your neighbor’s door, go outside, go for a walk, and talk to somebody. I bet you have never just done that, but you can go talk to somebody who lives three states away through social media, through social media. You do not know this person. You do not know how they act in person.

For you, it is important, because I have heard other people say, “That could be a positive, that people are so connected through online media that they can get to know different people outside of their community,” which can be a positive for some people, but for you, you are definitely somebody who is a wonder.

People should focus more on bettering their community. You cannot start big and work small in this world. You have to start small and get big. If you want a better community, better connections, you have to start with the people around you because you cannot be in an environment where nobody has the same idea as you or nobody has the same ambition or drive to pursue that goal.

Importance Of Connecting Locally First

You lost me there. Hold on. You had me with the whole start small and then go big. As far as connections are concerned, talk to me about why it is, why you feel it is important to connect locally versus globally first. The whole ambition thing. That part I did not get. Why is it important to connect with the ones that are right around you? Are we doing a good job of it?

You have people that you can go to in person, and you can have those real conversations that I feel like you cannot get advice over the phone and from people you barely know that you can from somebody who truly knows you and who sees you, not even when you guys are talking, but is just watching from a distance. They are just near you all the time, and they are able to observe you almost.

You are clamoring for, I mean, clamoring is not the right word, but you are desiring having people who are more in your life, who see you on a day-to-day basis, who can support you in conversations where you get to physically be in their space and they get to physically be in your space. That is important to you.

Yes. If you’re not so like, you become the people you surround yourself with. It goes both ways. From my perspective, like I have you and dad, but you also have me. I shape you, you shape me. It goes both ways. I feel like if you take that aspect, then it is going to help you help each other to grow as people.

I love that concept. I do believe that we have often talked about, you become the average of the top 10 people you surround yourself with. If we are connected because we are family, and you have an opportunity to impress upon me, how do you think you’re doing?

I tried my best.

I would say so.

I do a good job, from what I hear from other adults, and what I hear from you, and what other people say to you guys.

What do you think you’re teaching me? You’re right. We are a different generation. You are involved in different things. I was never an athlete, first and foremost. For sure, I have been involved in your athletic career, both on the ice, on the wrestling mat, and at the swimming pool. I feel like that is more of a question that you can answer. “You’re turning the tables on me.”

I do not think this is a question for me. There is more of a question for you.

Way to flip the script here. I am going to say that let us go with the sports thing because I was not an athlete. I would say that one of the biggest things I have learned is how you have competed in a team and how you have competed individually, because you participated in ice hockey for a decade. At a high level, we were traveling around, and that is definitely a team sport. I watched how you had to connect with others on the ice to figure out how to make things happen so that your team was in a better position. I found that fascinating.

I found it fascinating to see those who worked really hard to be a part of a team and those who did not. I was always really proud of the fact that I could tell that you were really about the team, that you would sacrifice yourself. You’re a defenseman. You would sacrifice yourself for the team. That made me like, “This guy is loyal. He is hungry.” He is seeing things out for many people, not just himself. That was something that I learned from you.

I also learned that when you switched over to wrestling, and for those who do not know, the same season, typically, so you could not do both at the same time, you had to pick. When you switched over to wrestling, that was actually very hard for me to watch because I never knew wrestling. I do not think I attended one wrestling match in my whole life until yours. When I saw all the wrestlers, the level of intensity and how you are just placed in a spotlight for a few minutes, and you have to give every single bit of yourself mentally and physically. I could see the power. I could also see the stress.

All the emotion behind it.

I could see how you operate under pressure as an individual. As a mom, it both killed me and made me happy all at the same time because when you would perform at your top, and you would win the match, or you would just really do well throughout the match, even if you lost the match, to be honest with you, but I saw sometimes somebody might get you, and that was it. The whole time leading up to that, you were doing really well. That was amazing. You also showed me.

How did you implement that into your life? How did that shape your learning?

The team thing, I think I was already seeing comparisons that made me feel closer to you. Like, “He is learning this from being an athlete,” but I learned this through being a part of a leadership team in high school.

You’re like a group assignment or something.

Yes. I saw the two of us. I saw a commonality there, but I thought that was really cool. That we have it in different ways, but it all came together at the same time. The wrestling thing. I do not even know how to say this with wrestling, so I am going to say this, but I am going to say both sides. I recognize the importance of grace under pressure. That is what you taught me in wrestling, because when you were younger, I would say that there was less grace under pressure, particularly if there was a loss.

As you matured into the sport, I felt like even if it was a loss, I saw a level of sportsmanship in that loss that made me realize, see, everybody has that. It is like, “How are you going to carry yourself off the mat?” I think about that a lot. How am I going to carry myself out of this situation and go high? When you go high, and you shake hands, and you leave, and you’re not getting mad and throwing water bottles, that’s a good thing. I am the interviewer here.

Sorry. I just wanted to ask a question.

That was a very good question, a very good question, a way to flip the script. Connection, I just want to talk a little bit more about connection because what we just explained here had to do with the fact that even though your son, I am mom, you are Gen Z, I am Gen X, we have ways in which we can influence each other, and we can connect. I am just wondering, what are your thoughts overall on how your generation connects, and what you think is good and what you think could use some work? Every generation has it.

Yes, I think our generation, like always, depends on the person. There are all sorts of people out in this world, but especially here in this county. I feel like there are so many people, but it is hard to find a sense of community if you are not the majority. I feel like people need to do a better job at opening up their community if they already have one in a certain place and inviting new people into that community, because being by yourself and being alone, it is very hard to go try to fit in.

I would not say it is hard to fit in because you can change everything you do to fit in, and some people might say that’s easy, but I would say it is hard to open yourself up to your true self. If you are trying to make an actual connection, it is hard to do that with new people who already have a sense of belonging. If you have no sense of belonging in the place that you are in, it just feels very lonely.

Do you think there are a lot of kids? You’re at 3,000.

I would say a hundred thousand. Kids, I talk to every day that I try to sit next to, talk to, whatever. I would say they do not.

Is it hard to go up to people? Are you saying you actively try to go up and befriend different people?

Of course. I know it is not hard at all. They want to talk, they need somebody to talk to, and even if they do not open up to you immediately, I have been talking to the same kid in my first period most days since the beginning of the year. I went to Benton with him, too, but he’s always been super quiet. He just never has really spoken to me, but these past couple of months, he has been opening up to me. He asks me questions. He says, “What’s up?” to me in the halls.

It just seems like there is a little bit more life in him whenever he talks, because it seems like he just seems happy to have somebody to talk to. It makes me happy to talk to him, too. It is fun talking to people. You learn new things. He is really smart. He gets good grades, and he knows a lot about the classes I take. It is good to ask for help. I lean on him, and he leans on me in whichever way, even if he does not ask for help. I do not want to say I try to take it upon myself and try to be just a big macho man, but I think it just means a lot to somebody if you just say hi.

Becoming Your Authentic Self

You want to be yourself. Yes. Tell us more about that.

I was just going to finish off by saying that the reason I say go up to somebody and just ask a simple question, just how their day was going, or something about their class, was because I was that kid in middle school after my COVID year. I sat inside all day, every day, because of COVID, and wasn’t allowed to leave. My best friend moved to Ohio from elementary school, Joseph, and I went into middle school, and I felt like I had no friends and I had nobody to talk to.

I would go through class and just be super scared, nervous to talk to anybody and when I would try to go up to somebody that I wanted to be friends with or try to talk to, it would be super stressed like a super stressful thing for me to do and I would rehearse the same question just over and over and over again until I was like, “I should ask it like that.” I would ask them, and they would answer, and they would be nice about it, but then they would not want to continue the conversation.

They just answer the question and would go back to whatever they were doing, and then I would just kind of sink back down in my chair and be like, “That was it, now what?” Yes, like you think I’m like, my heart is racing, I just tried to talk to them, and they kind of just came in, tried to carry on the conversation like I thought they would, and there is just a lot of overthinking that goes on. If you feel that way, if you feel anxious, if you feel scared, just keep trying. Keep trying to talk to people, just keep trying to get out there.

I have noticed like what I did not have when I was growing up is I did not have if it became awkward, I did not have a phone that I could then go to and seem busy, and I see a lot of people if there is nothing going on between two individuals or a group, then everybody’s heads down on their phone and everybody’s like busy on the phone. It could seem like, “I am busy connecting with people on the phone.” I do not know what is happening on the phone.

You have no clue. It could be. I did not have that. As you know, I’m a military dependent, and so we moved, and when we moved, it was to assimilate or be left out. What I find really interesting, before we took Sophie out, is that you said that’s not you. You do not want to try to fit in. You want to just be yourself. That can be hard, too, to find your people. For me, I really needed to fit in, at least that is how I felt back then. I did a lot to mirror people, right? “They are going to do this. I am going to do this too.” It did help me in a lot of ways.

It helped me really understand the other person, like what mattered to them. It also helped me find commonalities, and so I thought it could help me bring me closer. One of the things that I am glad you are not doing, one of the things that I did not do really well, is I did not show my most authentic self. Now, as an adult, I am classically trained to behave in assimilation. Now, as an adult, I am unwinding that to find my own voice and be my most authentic self. It is different. It is an unlearning that I have to do, so I am happy you do not have to unlearn that.

I would say that trying to assimilate but taking the good, not the bad, from whoever you meet, like that’s what you should be doing, and that’s what you should be trying to fit in with. Fit in like there’s good in everybody, so just find that good, and if you feel like it is a trait that you want to have, then I feel like that is what you should try to assimilate. If they have nothing that works for you or that you really want, I would say let that person go. Do not keep people in your life who are not going to better you. You know what I mean? It goes back to the whole, you become the sum total of the ten people. You’ve got to take what you can from everybody.

Fast Facts With Beckett

Good talk. Let us go back to the college situation. Fast facts here. What was your best college tour experience so far? You can give shout-outs if you want.

Probably CU Boulder. What was his name? Scott?

Yes, Scott. Yes, CU Boulder, Scott was just very lively, very personable. If you get a tour guide like Scott, who is just always down to answer whatever questions, take advantage of it and ask them lots of questions, because I know you do a good job at making sure to ask all the questions you want and get talking to them. I really like CU Boulder. It was just very funny, and I always wanted to give more information.

The most stressful thing about college tours is

I am thinking about which dorm you are going to live in if you have a lot of options.

What do you mean? Like, “I am going to live in a hall or I am going to live.”

Let us say Ole Miss. I have seen some things on TikTok about some of their dorms. I was going to say we did not go there, but okay. I know some people who are staying in some of those dorms, and I am like, “I would not want to be that person.”

There is definitely better and worse.

Yes, those things look gross.

Sometimes your room is not the best. Hopefully, your roommate in college will appreciate your living style. Let us just say that way, but you are not dirty, that is good. We just need a little bit more organization. I am just saying as your mom. Let us see. What are you going to miss about home the most?

Family, of course.

That is nice to hear. All of us?

Yes. Why would it not be all of you guys?

I just had to check. Yes, Dad and I talk about the fact that we are definitely going to miss you guys when you go off to school. It is just not going to be the same.

Of course not.

Discussion Wrap-up And Closing Words

I think we wrapped it up. Is there anything else you would like to say to the audience, anything you would like to say about mentorship, anything you would like to say about entrepreneurship?

If you are tuning in and you are not a mentor already, sign up to be a mentor. If you want to be a mentee, sign up to be a mentee, then you have somebody to talk to, so you do not have to feel lonely or anything.

We do have the TERN Mentoring marketplace coming, so I think that is why he is saying so that even if we are not at your university yet, we have a place where mentors and mentees can meet, and we are in development coming to you this summer, coming very soon. We are really excited about that. Thanks for the plug, I appreciate it. Of course. This has been a special edition of the show with my son, Beckett. Thank you for taking the time after school to come chat with me, and I hope you guys have a great day out there. Stay connected, and we will see you on the next episode. Have a great day.

Important Links

• TERN Mentoring on YouTube
• TERN Mentoring on Instagram
• TERN Mentoring on LinkedIn